Man in the Arena

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

― Theodore Roosevelt


Approaching date #9 this weekend, I contemplate this quote.  Yes, this quote and dating; seems like quite a stretch.  There is no war, nor do I expect to have my face marred by dust sweat or blood, but there is a worthy cause and a great devotion in front of me that I may openly opt into this weekend.   Opting in requires saying those un-retractable three words; I love you. 

I feel it happening.  It's crazy.  I know there is plenty about you that I don't know, but what I do know I'm so in love with.  Being the first one to say I love you is a scary thing.  I don't think I have ever been the first one to say it.  Falling in love for me as an adult has always been a slow, trust building type of love.
This love is different.  It's different in that you have a physiological effect on me, and not just in the hormonal attraction sort of way, but in an even more basic way.  My heart pounds harder and faster, I loose my breath, gasp for air and sometimes it brings me to tears of joy.  I want to jump in head first and show you I'm fully yours, I want to be your partner and take on all that life gives and takes.

You couldn't have said a more perfect statement the other day, "I'm going to appreciate the hell out of you".  It's raw, speaks to me in a way as if you knew how important this is to me. You couldn't have said anything more meaningful to me taking my growing feelings for you and catapult them into I have to tell you I am falling in love with you realm.

So this weekend, I intend to throw myself into the arena.  I don't want to ever be a cold and timid soul who never knows victory nor defeat.  

 

Boyfriend/Girlfriend

At the same time we hit the 30 day mark, my Dad has moved in.  Calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend is also another milestone.  Blissful is the word that comes to mind when I think about how I feel when we are together, when we are talking on the phone or texting and even when I'm just thinking about you.  And I get to call you my boyfriend!  Somebody pinch me... no wait... don't pinch me... I don't want to wake up.

I keep wondering whether or not I've felt this much intensity for someone before.  I know I've been in love in the past and I'm telling myself that those times must have also felt like this and it's just that this experience is so fresh and rewarding after disappointing dates with numerous previous suitors. But part of me questions my rationalizing and downplaying of what is, quite honestly, the best feeling I've had for someone that I can recall, ever! 

Will this wind down over time?  Can it sustain if it's nurtured?  Do I know how to nurture it?  I never would have imagined a person could be this blissful and full of energy inside where you feel like you are going to explode with pure joy because you can't possibly handle this powerful emotion.

You're so real, so calming, accepting, perfect to me with your imperfections. More please :-)