Man in the Arena

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

― Theodore Roosevelt


Approaching date #9 this weekend, I contemplate this quote.  Yes, this quote and dating; seems like quite a stretch.  There is no war, nor do I expect to have my face marred by dust sweat or blood, but there is a worthy cause and a great devotion in front of me that I may openly opt into this weekend.   Opting in requires saying those un-retractable three words; I love you. 

I feel it happening.  It's crazy.  I know there is plenty about you that I don't know, but what I do know I'm so in love with.  Being the first one to say I love you is a scary thing.  I don't think I have ever been the first one to say it.  Falling in love for me as an adult has always been a slow, trust building type of love.
This love is different.  It's different in that you have a physiological effect on me, and not just in the hormonal attraction sort of way, but in an even more basic way.  My heart pounds harder and faster, I loose my breath, gasp for air and sometimes it brings me to tears of joy.  I want to jump in head first and show you I'm fully yours, I want to be your partner and take on all that life gives and takes.

You couldn't have said a more perfect statement the other day, "I'm going to appreciate the hell out of you".  It's raw, speaks to me in a way as if you knew how important this is to me. You couldn't have said anything more meaningful to me taking my growing feelings for you and catapult them into I have to tell you I am falling in love with you realm.

So this weekend, I intend to throw myself into the arena.  I don't want to ever be a cold and timid soul who never knows victory nor defeat.  

 

Coming up for Air

It's a rainy Tuesday morning just a week before Christmas.  I'm at home from work today since my son had gotten sick at daycare yesterday afternoon, and although he seems quite fine, it's their policy that a child must stay home for 24 hours after vomiting.  Normally, I'd look at this situation as a pleasant turn of events in which I can spend more 1 on 1 time with him and relish in it.  This time, however, my feelings are a bit hazy since I'm feeling a lot of pressure at work. 

Wondering whether or not you're job is at risk on a daily basis is not a healthy feeling at all.  It invites in doubt, fear, and sabotages your ability to be confident productive member of a team.  Hearing feedback that someone important in your organization doesn't feel as though you are competent, put me in a state of fight or flight.  It was important for me to fully digest what was said, and then figure out how I want to handle that information.

I'm still me, so I immediately got angry, felt blind sided, hung out to dry and felt there was no hope.  I started doing a mental inventory of what other possibilities might be out there for me, should the unthinkable happen.  But, then I waited.  I'm still waiting.  I want desperately to share my side of the story, however at the same time, I am not for fear even presenting a defense only validates it's worth discussion.

So here's what I have decided is the best approach.

1. Ensure I circle back with my manager and fully understand where he feels the gaps are in my performance
2. Ask for advice on how to address those gaps, and perhaps even ask what I should have done given the situation
3. Take it day by day doing my best always
4. NOT loosing my personal stability - by borrowing my time at home w/ my son to "make up" for perceived deficits.

It's important to me that I do keep a work/life balance.  I do not want to set my self up for short changing my son's time with me.  When I'm a mom, I'm a mom, that's is all.

Boredom

I returned to the work force from Maternity leave on January 3rd.  Often times, people say the transition back to work for a first time mom can be very difficult.  I would have to agree, especially given my situation.  Not only did my transition include going back to work full time, but I also was starting at a new company in a new industry, which happened to acquire my old company while I was on leave.  Also, the department in which I was placed was brand new, no budget,  void of any concrete deliverables,  processes or rules of engagement within the organization.  Oh and did I mention I was the director of this department managing a subset of my previous companies employees,  3 of them plus an existing employee who had been with the new company for about 3-4 years?

I tried my ass off for 3-4 months to set up a Vision, Mission statement, Goals, Rules of engagement, power point presentations describing what we did and what each person did within the group all the while trying to deliver 3 priority requests of the president.  My boss happened to be too busy with "other priorities" to provide any feedback as we completed the priority requests on time.  My emails were ignored, my meetings with him, if not canceled all together, were cut short often by 45 minutes or more because of more important interruptions.  By the 4th month, I was pissed off and tired of trying when my own boss seemed not to care.  The morale in our team suffered since I was unable to provide answers to my team who still felt their own sense of not fitting in yet too.   Our team's deliverables were being criticized by others and my own boss did not step up to defend us, rather he hung us out to dry saying he did not know what we were working on, etc.  This is when I decided I wouldn't be working for him for long. 

I didn't know if that meant I would be quitting my job all together or if I would be looking for a new position within the company.  Frankly, I was wanting to quit my job, period and stay at home with my little guy instead of my husband who neglected to secure day care or get a job do it.  I was seething mad inside and out, with no ability to illicit change for the better.  By month 6, I had found the courage to go to the President and deliver a presentation that contained an organizational chart for my team that did not have my name on it.  I wasn't sure what the outcome was going to be, but I knew I couldn't continue as I had been.  I was on the verge of a breakdown, of that, I was certain.

Luckily, the president was impressed with my presentation and wanted to help me find my way in the organization.   This meeting was on June 20th and it's now October 12th... I am just now, unofficially, being moved into another department into a new role.  I've been bored at work (if you count when I really gave up) for about 5 months.  If I must continue to work and be the provider for my family, it would be nice to finally have a "home" in this organization and be a positive contributor.  Otherwise, it would probably be in everyone's best interest for me to leave.... AND BE ABLE TO STAY AT HOME WITH MY LITTLE MAN!

Ok, Vent over.

It's all about respect

Yesterday, as I was meeting my therapist at 7:10 am and discussing my interpersonal expectations in my personal life, it occurred to me that I also apply the same levels of expectation in my business/career life.  Which got me wondering, should those expectations be the same?  Is it even possible to shift from one level to another like flipping the 9-5 switch, so to speak?

Good, bad or indifferent; the answer for me is they are one in the same.  Largely I think, because what I do to earn a living or occupy 66% of my waking hours contributes to how I define myself.  Monday through Friday, I'm 66% Director and Project Manager.  I'm always 100% wife and 100% mom, but I'm also 66% who I am at work.  That's enough time for me to really lay some claim to that personality as a part of who I am.  Please excuse the funky math, but I hope you follow what I'm saying.

Now the foundation has been laid, all that mumbo jumbo is to basically say, I expect to be spoken to and treated the same way in and outside of  the office, in and out of the home,  as well as, in and out of public.  Likewise, I hold myself to the same expectation that I will speak to and treat everyone in each of those contexts the same.  It seems pretty fundamental and obvious, doesn't it?  Then, why is it so hard?

Here are my expectations while I'm at work:

• While someone is talking, pay attention and do not interrupt
• If you do not agree with someone or something, it's ok to say so, but be prepared to justify why 
• Realize your opinions may be dismissed for any number of reasons, but you shouldn't take it personally
• Be rational at all times 
• If you have the ability and approval to drive action or create change, do so if it is the "right thing to do" and will better align with your personal philosophy or vision
• If someone sends you an email, acknowledge receipt at a minimum, if it's likely you wont have the ability to address the email completely in a timely manner
• "Timely" can be perceived differently from person to person.  Be specific i.e. 2 days, 2 hours, 2 weeks. etc.
• You may not like everyone you work with, but be friendly and courteous at all times.  Nobody likes an unsavory working environment.

I could probably go on and create an incredibly robust list here, but the point I'm trying to illustrate is these sets of rules do translate from environment to environment.   It really bothers me when people forget some of the fundamental rules of engaging with people, especially when it occurs between people whom you feel should have a higher degree of respect for one another.

You know that old saying that goes something like:  Put a nail in a tree every time you say or do something to hurt someone's feelings.  Take one out every time you say your sorry.  You might be able to remove all the nails, but the holes they leave behind will be there forever.  People may forgive, but they rarely forget.

Tip - Business Presentations

So you are tasked with creating or delivering a presentation.   Whether it's delivered electronically or in person with Audio Visual, there are some considerations to keep in mind.   Regardless of audience, there should always be a general format you are keeping in mind.  I was once taught this by a mentor at a former company that was steeped in the tradition of being highly professional and always delivered the best presentation/sales pitch.  "Tell 'em what you are going to tell 'em, Tell 'em, then tell 'em whatcha told 'em".

That's the magic formula!

Here are some more tactical ideas to consider when delivering a presentation:

1. Audience - You want to speak or display content that speaks to the vernacular/lingo or vocabulary level of your audience.  Nothing allows an audience member to feel more part of your presentation than to use the language they use every day.  Nothing isolates an audience more than to speak well over or under their intelligence level or business perspective.

 

2. Branded Templates - If you are representing your company, use the company approved templates, not something you feel looks nice or cute. It's always best to represent your company first rather than your self interest.  Also, if your audience is a room full of clients from a single company, perhaps co-branding the presentation is in order.  This gives the sense that the speaker/presenter is "one of us" from the audience perspective.  *It is important to note that you must have permission to use other company logos and there may be strict rules on how their logos or brand is displayed.  Also the content of the presentation may need to be footnoted with proprietary, confidential or some other derivation of ownership; check with a legal department if available.

3. Formatting - Take care in utilizing the same font, tabs or bullet structure throughout the entire presentation.  This provides visual continuity and allows a participant to focus more on the meaning of your presentation rather than digesting the cognitive distractions in a continual moving target of title centering, heading boldness, bullet indents and sub-bullet icon discrepancies.

4. Light heartedness/humor -  Be very careful here.  This treads along the lines of talking politics or religion at a dinner party.  Regardless of audience, generally speaking, too much humor can sabotage the intent of your presentation, so use it sparingly, if at all.   The goal of a presentation is to get your point across with credibility, convince your audience of a particular point, or sell a product or service.  Too much humor may send the message that you are not to be taken seriously.

5. Animation - this is along the same lines as point #4.  Too much visual interaction via fly in from the left, camera shudder bullet points, sound effects, star wipes, etc. can be distracting.  If you must have an effect, pick one style and stick with it throughout the entire presentation.   Watch your presentation through on a timer start to finish and see if it becomes tiresome or distracting.   Chances are high that no one will be more impressed by your powerpoint skills versus your ability to present meaningful content and motivate a call to action.

6. On the screen versus "out of your mouth" - Here the standard 80/20 rule should apply*.  20% of what you say should be on the screen the other 80% should come out of your mouth, otherwise, why are you even there?  Value your personal contribution to the meaning and detail of higher level bullet points.

* If you are handing your presentation over to someone or an audience  to be read and learned, use the speaker notes to fulfill the total package concept, not within the slide itself.

7.  Length - Be respectful of the time you have with your captive audience.  If you know you have only 1 hour to present, give yourself about 50- 55 minutes to cover the material and leave the remaining time for questions.  If your presentation is a success, the audience members will be at the ready to ask for more of your time at a subsequent meeting time.  This is a good thing!  When your audience wants to hear more from you, you've done your job well, in fact so well, they want more!

8.  Basic Structure  - Outline what you are going to tell them,  tell them, then at the end review what you've told them.  A consistent message will always have a better chance of leaving the desired impression than a scattered concept that leaves your audience confused as to what they just heard.

Good luck and break a leg!

Business Tip - Emails

Normally, when we engage in face to face conversations, we have at our disposal numerous tools to help us communicate effectively. We can modulate our volume, speed and pitch, use gestures, change our proximity to the listener, and change our body language, or facial expressions to emphasize or deemphasize aspects of what we say. In email, aside from the use of ALL CAPS, excessive punctuations!!!!.... or cute winks and emoticons, we are limited to pure composition to get our point across.

I have found that a poorly crafted email or a hasty response can quickly wipe away any positive reputation you may have established with known clients or co-workers. Now that's not to say that those whom you work with regularly might be aware of your personal quirks and general demeanor and are able to interpret your emails as if you were speaking directly. But, why would you take that risk, when I've also found that a well crafted and thoughtfully composed email may be a huge plus in your reputation with all recipients of your email, close co-workers, acquaintances, or people you are addressing for the first time?

Here are just a few tips in no particular order to help ensure your email communication is received in the manner you intended.


□ Typos - Even though spell-check catches inaccurately spelled words, common missed typos include unintended words that are spelled correctly. e.g. there - they're - their

*Try Reading the content through backwards.

□ Grammar - Consistent and correct tense throughout. Here are various links to Grammar aids and common mistakes:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/faq.htm
http://andromeda.rutgers.edu/~jlynch/Writing/
http://cliche.theinfo.org/ (this will help identify Cliches or extraneous words in your copy)

□ Contextual - Ensure the message is clear, well organized and accurate

□ Avoid the use of ALL CAPS, cute winks or emoticons - unless you are completely comfortable with your relationship of all the readers. Even in this case, you never know if your email will get forwarded and to whom. Better safe than sorry is my motto.

□ Try not to write a book. Get to your point early in the email without a lot of extraneous verbiage. If there is too much filler in your email, you run the risk of your readers getting distracted by superfluous information and not reading it fully.

□ Formatting - Indented/bulleted text as required, use appropriate outline or bullet formatting (no single bullets or an "A" without a "B" etc.

□ An email's Subject is basically the intro to your email. Be clear and concise. Execs probably don't read every email they have in their inbox, so title your email wisely to engage them. Also, for those recipients who use mobile devises, the compromise between length and content in the subject line can have major impact on whether your email is even opened.

□ If you happen to be on the receiving end of an email that stirs up some anger and you feel compelled crank out a quick response, don't. When this happens, walk away or do something else for 5 minutes, an hour, a day; whatever it takes to take the emotion out of your response and create something objective. When we react quickly with emotion, we set ourselves up for missing facts, acting on our own misinterpretation of the email that got our blood boiling and coming off as hot headed. Take the high road at all times. Again, emails once sent, have a knack for coming back to bite you when you least expect it.

□ Lastly, never drink and email! When the wine bottle opens, shut down your laptop. You don't want your lack of inhibitions tangling with your business.

So although this may slow you down in the short term, the payoff can be invaluable in terms of advancing your career or saving it.