See Ya 2013! Welcome 2014!

Although my 2013 was rife with challenges that came in all shapes and sizes, I tackled them all; some with grace and patience, others with brute force.  What I'm most proud of when looking back at the year in total is that I did it all. by. myself.

Just for fun, I'd like to try to recap what happenings came my way in 2013.

• I had a water supply line in Master bathroom upstairs burst, which flooded my bathroom, foyer below and Niagra fall'ed into my basement all around 3:30 am while both me and my son were sleeping.  I managed to shut off the main water supply and clean up the mess without my son ever knowing it happened by the time he woke up at 7 am.  He was very intrigued, however, by the production that ensued in the days that followed as I needed to have water remediation professionals fix the damage.
• As a result of the above, I installed a new bathroom vanity sink all by myself (no leaks still!)
• Also as a result of the above, repainted my entire foyer 
• Slept outside in March for a fundraising event for Spectrum Youth services
• Installed a kitty door going into the basement
• Had my breezeway roof re-shingled and installed venting in my attic eaves
• Took multiple unexpected trips home to visit very sick parents and almost lost my father during one of them
• Demolished a partially completed basement bar area
• Started dating again - huge accomplishment
• Put together an outdoor playspace/swingset all by myself (directions said 2 people were needed!)
• Flew in a 2 seater Cessna
• Said goodbye to my boss, who at the time I felt was my only advocate at work
• Have had 2 different subsequent bosses, who thankfully, I believe, realize I'm a dedicated and enthusiastic employee
• Had two new exterior doors installed and I painted the trim
• I helped pay for a major home renovation for my Dad
• Assembled a twin bed for my son
• Attending Church regularly with Owen
• Passed the Salesforce.com Admin Certification exam
• Took my son to Disney World and Sea World over thanksgiving
• Ice Skated again for the first time in 10 years
• Installed a toilet in my downstairs powder room
• Lost my Aunt, who took great care of my mother during all of her health issues, to lung cancer
• All the above while dealing with a difficult co-parent

Well, that's all I can think of right now.  There's arguably more, but the moral of the story here is that life will always throw you good and bad.  In reflection, it's clear to me that I have acknowledged and cherished the good all while getting through the bad.  My hope is that I continue to be able to see and cherish all the good while letting the bad wash away.

 

The Big 40

I've officially started the countdown to my 40th birthday: 8 days.  I haven't spent too much time consciously thinking about this typically dreaded birthday, however, last night I had a dream that is making me feel as though I must be trying to deal with it on a subconscious level.

I can't recall all the specifics of the dream, but I do remember being with a group of people I knew and was getting prepared to go for a run with them, a sort of group activity.  While I was gathering my hair to put it into a pony tail, a large clump, pretty much my whole pony tail, fell out into my hand.  In my dream, I was alarmed by it, but then threw the mass of hair off to the side and began running.

Anytime anything weird like that occurs in my dreams, I like to Google possible meanings and below is what I found about both loosing hair in clumps and running.

Powerlessness if losing hair – The loss of hair mostly shows the lack of strength in the dreamer’s life. It could also show the fear of becoming older and unattractive. The hair is one of the most important part of the beauty, especially to women, where it looks playful, innocent and feminine.

To dream of running in company with others, is a sign that you will participate in some festivity, and you will find that your affairs are growing towards fortune.

I'm clearly afraid of getting older but at the same time, looking forward to celebrating my birthday, right? 
Carl Jung, I think you were on to something.

Pre-Thanksgiving Thanks

 

I am on the eve of taking my son to Florida for the first time for a Thanksgiving vacation.   This will be his first introduction to Walt Disney world.  I have been planning this vacation for nearly 7 months and tomorrow at 2:50 pm, our flight will leave the ever growing chill of Vermont for some temperatures in the 70's and 80's.  My packing for this trip began about a week ago, in true DingosMom form and I feel as though I have all my I's dotted and T's crossed.  I have even included my son's Mickey Mouse Halloween costume that he has been wearing religiously ever since the Saturday before Halloween.

Given the excitement of a destination Thanksgiving, I thought I would take a moment, in advance, to observe and share what I am most thankful for this year.

I am Thankful for:

1. My Son - I cannot imagine my life without this little boy who constantly is learning and growing.  Everyday I see him evolving into a little man gathering the tactical and emotional knowledge of how to become the best loving, caring, independent little person he can be.
2. My Family - may they continue to be strong (healthy) and in good spirits though I am unable to share this holiday with them.
3. My Job - It provides me with never ending challenges, personal/professional growth opportunities, personal/professional rewards, and the means to have choices in life many others are not afforded.
4. My home - There is security in knowing you always have a safe place to come to at the end of the day to cook a meal, read a book, relax and make your own.  I'm so thankful for being a home-owner.
5. Food - I'm thankful for the food I'm able to nourish myself and my son with, learning the value of organic food and healthy preparation.
6. My Son's Father - I am thankful that my son has a father who loves him and wants the best for him.
7. Unconditional Love - I'm thankful for the opportunity to feel and give love unconditionally to my family.

I could go on and on as I feel incredibly blessed.  May everyone this Thanksgiving season, take a moment and do a personal inventory on what ways they are blessed too.  

Milestones ?

 

Within the framework of project management, a milestone is an event that receives special attention. It is often put at the end of a stage to mark the completion of a work package or phase. Milestones can be put before the end of a phase so that corrective actions can be taken, if problems arise, and the deliverable can be completed on time.


Ah, what to say about the above definition...there are so many avenues to take.  But it all depends on context, even in project management.  The more important question to ask as it pertains to project management is what is called "critical path".  What is it?   It's what I refer to as what absolutely must happen in order for a given project to be successful, on time and meet the requirements of the business needs.

So how does one apply this theory to every day life?  I'm torn; life doesn't follow a project plan, despite many of my prior efforts to make it do so.  At any given moment, life can throw you a curve ball and may change your overall objectives.  If I may be so cliche, life IS a journey, not a destination; which underscores why this milestone philosophy may be inherently invalid as it pertains to life.  But then how does one achieve personal goals?

I generally operate under past experience and knowledge gained from those experiences with a smattering of gut feeling and hopefulness where things just feel right.

I'm still navigating this dichotomy between rigidity of planning and just rolling with it and have yet to formulate a solid foundation of thinking.  70% of the time I follow the planning route, which has shown me many successes and few failures, the other 30% has shown me many failures and few successes, but those few successes have tended to be the most personally fulfilling.

How do you like them apples?

As a first time parent, I am constantly on the prowl for sharing new experiences with my little guy.  Last weekend I took him on an apple picking adventure, and to be clear, it's not as if apple picking in general was all that new of an adventure, but this time, there was a whole "festival" involved.  There was a bouncy castle, rock climbing wall, petting zoo, face painting, the whole nine yards.

I really enjoy taking him apple picking.  I'm not sure quite why this is such a fun and rewarding experience for me, but I love it.  I was so proud to see him tackle the bouncy castle on our way to the orchard, when just 3 months prior, he was hovering close to the wall in a similar bouncy castle at a local hot air balloon festival where I was sure he was going to end up crying and want to get out.  He's starting to explore his limits and test them.  I am literally watching him grow emotionally as well as physically.

So he tackled the castle like a champ and on our way we went to the orchard.  Once through the entrance way, we browsed the animals and petted the miniature horse (what's a petting zoo without a miniature horse?).  What caught his attention most was the rock climbing wall.  Sure enough, he asked to climb.  I must have asked him 4 times if he was sure and his dead set answer was consistently, "Yes".    So $5 later, he was getting outfitted with all the gear to be hoisted up.  And finally, it was his turn.

He listened patiently to the belay aid (if that's what you call it?) and his belt was hooked up.  Next he was hoisted up into the air about 4' off the ground.  I was amazed at his bravery!  He didn't really know what to do next and I could see a little bit of panic come across his sweet face, so I walked over and got his feet a little more organized to take the next step.  He took one step on his own and that was it.  He was done.  I made sure to praise him for being so brave and I meant it with all my heart.
I believe he even said, "Maybe next time".... he would go farther up.

Now on to the task at hand, actual apple picking.  I bought us two half peck bags so he could have his own bag and off we went into the orchard.  I had every intention of picking the best apples to be used for apple sauce and pie making, however, once we were among the trees, I could not possible thwart my little one's enthusiasm for finding "cute apples".  He would walk up to a tree branch and say, "Here's a cute one" and pick it.  I tried to explain that we were looking for big red apples, but hey... at least he wasn't grabbing them off the ground like he had the year before.  The adventure became even more rewarding as my little guy started to call to me, "come on mom, over here!"

Yes, he ruled the day and my heart.  We finished with two full bags partially containing viable baking apples and the rest "cute" apples... I also ended up carrying him (at 40lbs), two bags full of apples and our diaper bag all the way back to the station to pay for our harvest.  I was a sweaty, yet pleased mess. 

Wrapping the day up with a fresh bottle of water, a couple of cider donuts and lastly a well deserved chocolate ice cream cone on our walk back to the car, I couldn't be more pleased.  Even when half of it dripped down his face and arm.

I love you OTB.

Vulnerability

As defined:

adj.

1.

a. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury.

b. Susceptible to attack: "We are vulnerable both by water and land, without either fleet or army" (Alexander Hamilton).

c. Open to censure or criticism; assailable.

2.

a. Liable to succumb, as to persuasion or temptation.

b. Games In a position to receive greater penalties or bonuses in a hand of bridge. In a rubber, used of the pair of players who score 100 points toward game.

 This definition makes me ponder.  It presents itself as a negative attribute, however, when I think of it in the context of the human condition, I get conflicted.  In my recent therapy sessions (yes, I see a therapist), I've been asked to try to be more vulnerable to others whom I admire; let them in and allow them to see my weaknesses in hopes of receiving support I might not otherwise have received if I remained closed off.  This is incredibly difficult for me.  I suppose I can attribute some of it to the feeling as though I've often had to fend for myself for quite some time.  Those that I've perhaps relied upon in the past have either not met my expectations or let me down considerably.  

In my family and for those who are close to me, if they haven't said it directly, would agree I am known as being the "Rock".   Harboring burdens, helping those in need, lending empathetic ears all the while keeping my own world turning in a way I've prescribed as the right way.

I don't see being vulnerable as a weakness, necessarily, rather a strength that I have yet to harness or posses.

2013 proves to be an unwieldy bitch so far.

Yeah, I said it.  I suppose I should be at the point where I've learned that life is a bitch...and then you die...   Right?  That's how that saying goes, I believe.

Anyway, all sarcasm aside, it has been a bit bumpy with my parents' health issues.  I think both of them have already had 3 independent visits to the hospital with accompanying multi-overnight stays.  At one point they were both in the hospital at the same time.   This is the portion of my Mid-Life when I should be acknowledging they are mortal.  I know they are, but it still sucks to see them age so quickly.

In other news, I've done a little online dating here and there.  I started out on http://www.christianmingle.com/ and unless you are super serious about religion, please avoid this site.  It was just all wrong for me.  I assumed a site like this would weed out the psychos, but I was sorely mistaken.  In fact I met in person one man I had been talking online to for months only to find out on our second date, he was on the SOR.  YIKES!   Most recently, I've tried Okcupid.com and things seem to be going well.

I've quit smoking again (hard to admit I even started back up, but I had).  Now with the support and help of my co-workers, I'm getting more fitness in my life.  Time to get in shape.