Cusp of our 1 year anniversary

OMG OMG OMG OMG!  If I didn't take a moment to reflect on the milestone that's nearly upon us, I wouldn't be quite so dramatic, but for fuck's sake, I'm gonna be dramatic!

THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!

 

I have been trying to de-emphasize in my head the amount of time we've been together so I don't get myself all wrapped up in trying to hurry into our future, but as we get closer to Oct 2nd, I am not feeling confident I wont be an ecstatic mess.  How did you become the perfect man for me?  I love your wit, your sensitivity, your common sense, your patience and your raw human male nature.  

 

There are still more pieces to you I uncover and witness that endear me to you even more, and I didn't think I could love you anymore; then boom, there's more to love.  As you were starting to tell me about the incident with your ex and the frequent texting, I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck begin to stand up.  It was a fear of the closeness you once had with her as well as a jealously of the familiarity and connection you will always have with her because she is the mother of your children.  In that moment I had a choice on how to react and internalize the information you shared.  I could let that fear and jealously of your past life with her and the same connection I will have to maintain with my ex, turn into a sour pit in my stomach.  Or, I could embrace the sensitivity you had towards this situation by sharing it with me and going so far as to take action to minimize the amount of communication between you and your ex.  It showed me you have respect for me, my feelings and the living, breathing evolving thing that is our relationship with one another.  I'm glad you decided to share the situation and what you did. 

 

I've said, "ignorance is bliss" before when it comes to things that might make me feel jealous, however, you use those situations as opportunity to demonstrate the depths of your love. 

 

There I go again, loving you even more. 

Stop project managing your life!

 

We've made it 7 1/2 months!!!  Still no signs of weakening, losing it's luster, or even second guessing.  But then why do I feel hopeless sometimes?

Not only is it challenging to try to find true love in life, but after earlier failures you get to deal with doubt and baggage that try to erode and sabotage love idealism.  I found it!  I have it!!  I can't believe it really exists.  It's even better than what I imagined; our combined energy is truly spiritual, cosmic and karmic.

Now, I need to keep it and continue to nurture our loving life long partnership; you said you see us as a long haul, grow old together type of thing, you want me and Owen in your life indefinitely. I understand there is no end zone in life, no final destination.  And I am very thankful for every moment we have together and you keep me wanting more.  This is good right?  It's so frustrating too though!!!  Can our lives combine any more?  I'm sure they can in small ways, such as the vacations together with our families that we are already scheduling, parties, etc.  But what about the big ways?  Will we ever live together in a such a way where we are the first person we wake up to in the morning and the last one we kiss goodnight day after day?

You have a magical way of thinking; "These things tend to work themselves out".  I wish I could subscribe to it.  Sounds blissful.  My way of thinking has always been, "if you want something done, you have to do it yourself".  My goal oriented tendencies push me to take action and make me feel uncomfortable when there is something I want and I can't have it when I want it.  I'm doing my best to temper the impatient beast inside by reminding myself that it's very earlier in our relationship.  There is still more to learn about us and our families together and taking things slow creates a stronger foundation for us on which to grow.

There are times of weakness where I wish I could see how these things will work themselves out.  But what I really should be doing is trusting in your love and commitment.  Everything that should be, will.