Always wishing

"The Nicest Thing"

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something

-Kate Nash

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nt3el-QY2i8

Here's the thing about being The Rock...

This is me deep inside.   It's one of my core values and if I don't subscribe to this, I have no control over my destiny nor sense of personal will toward goals.

Never giving up is a mantra children hopefully are taught early and well by their parents.  I called upon this mantra when learning new skills such as tying my shoes, fastening buttons, riding a bike, and well really, playing any sport competitively.  Later in life it can mean more about being responsible,  making tough decisions and sticking with them no matter how uncomfortable, doing the right thing when everyone else was going the other way.

Today, I have a recapitulation on this theme where never giving up means making the best of any situation, no matter what.   Often times, there are people depending on you to give them a sense of how they should feel about a situation.  Those people include your neighbors/community, co-workers, family members and most importantly, your children.  They look into your eyes, listen to your verbal responses and witness your resulting actions to learn what's appropriate and perhaps normal in that situation.  In that moment alone you can shape how your son or daughter interprets a turn of events and how they choose to react to it along with you and then potentially again by themselves should it happen later in life to them.  Do you show them strength and courage?  Do you show them weakness and cowardliness?


I've been "blessed" with multiple opportunities to test my ability to show strength and courage to my son as well as others.  During the most challenging of times, a similar feeling and internal course of events seem to unfold.  It starts out with complete shock and wonder at how this thing could possibly be happening to me.  "What did I do to deserve this?"  resonates in my mind for a split second followed by the tart sting of tears trying to form in my tear ducts.  But after that split second, not a single tear falls.  It's pushed away by resolve and perseverance.   Tears will not solve the problem; I will solve the problem.  And so I do.  And thus, I am "The Rock".


 But here's the thing about being The Rock, I'm not a rock.  I'm human and emotionally sensitive and incredibly more insecure than I present myself to be.  It's mostly my fear of failure that pushes me day in and day out.  In fact, it's not about never giving up, it's a fear of not being perceived as strong and courageous.  It's a fear of letting others know how you really feel inside, letting your insecurities get the better of you or showing ignorance or weakness.  It's a fear of being vulnerable, of needing something you can't provide for yourself.  And when you harbor these things and have fears over being insecure, weak, vulnerable and needing of others, you create walls that placate the fear by keeping these feelings private, but you also prohibit openness and much needed vulnerability for nurturing a deep connection with intimacy between two people.