I imagine, for the reader, my ups and downs seem pretty intense. And given I'm the person writing about them, that's my intention as my perception and the way I feel about them is intense. If I'm taking the time to write about something going on in my life, you better believe it's of significant importance.
This year has been a bit of a struggle and so much so that sometimes I wonder if things will ever be as good as they once were ever again. AND not only that, is the current status quo sustainable for me emotionally? Because I have found myself considering whether or not I will be able to let go of my mistrust, I need to find a way to forgive so I can let go of my hurt and fear, but I am struggling to do so. While I was going through the time apart - and he was dating is ex wife, I remember telling my dad, "If we can make it through this, we can make it through anything". I didn't know it was as significant as it ended up being at the time, but it makes my statement even more prophetic. I really really really want it to be true.
There has been some light at the end of this tunnel. I believe he has started ring shopping. He slipped and told me as much this weekend. His words were a little muddled, but I think he may have even purchased it already??? That's a huge sigh of relief to know that he's ready and willing to go there. I haven't gotten the feeling in the past year that he considers me wife material. I don't know why, but I just don't feel it from him.
