We've made it 7 1/2 months!!! Still no signs of weakening, losing it's luster, or even second guessing. But then why do I feel hopeless sometimes?
Not only is it challenging to try to find true love in life, but after earlier failures you get to deal with doubt and baggage that try to erode and sabotage love idealism. I found it! I have it!! I can't believe it really exists. It's even better than what I imagined; our combined energy is truly spiritual, cosmic and karmic.
Now, I need to keep it and continue to nurture our loving life long partnership; you said you see us as a long haul, grow old together type of thing, you want me and Owen in your life indefinitely. I understand there is no end zone in life, no final destination. And I am very thankful for every moment we have together and you keep me wanting more. This is good right? It's so frustrating too though!!! Can our lives combine any more? I'm sure they can in small ways, such as the vacations together with our families that we are already scheduling, parties, etc. But what about the big ways? Will we ever live together in a such a way where we are the first person we wake up to in the morning and the last one we kiss goodnight day after day?
You have a magical way of thinking; "These things tend to work themselves out". I wish I could subscribe to it. Sounds blissful. My way of thinking has always been, "if you want something done, you have to do it yourself". My goal oriented tendencies push me to take action and make me feel uncomfortable when there is something I want and I can't have it when I want it. I'm doing my best to temper the impatient beast inside by reminding myself that it's very earlier in our relationship. There is still more to learn about us and our families together and taking things slow creates a stronger foundation for us on which to grow.
There are times of weakness where I wish I could see how these things will work themselves out. But what I really should be doing is trusting in your love and commitment. Everything that should be, will.
