There are a few things I know for certain at this point in our relationship, yet somehow I am still surprised and even more enamored by you when we have an unexpected moment that deepens my love for you in a way that feels like the roots of tree growing stronger and with more breadth.
Moment A
We were being intimate and maintaining eye contact through some very intense moments. We have experienced this before where the outcome led to deeper and more intense intimacy, however, this time was even more so for me as I could see the look in your eyes change as you were staring into mine. Your eyes initially read to me soft, trusting, open and connected as we seemed to speak without speaking through our eyes, the windows into our souls. This alone is so powerful. It forces me, in a good way, to be emotionally vulnerable and you always have made me feel safe in doing so. The reward of our connection is instant and I am short of breath just thinking about how my ability to connect with you this way feels nothing shy of miraculous.
It was about this time I was feeling the waves of physical pleasure building and began to close my eyes and move my body closer to yours. Not sure exactly how you stopped me from doing so, but I felt your resistance and refocused my eyes into yours. I was reaching the tipping point and the heat inside my body was more than I've ever felt before and ready to explode. At that moment I saw your eyes shift to laser like focus into mine as if you were right there with me, in my mind, feeling what I was feeling and determined to take me to euphoria. It was the look in your eyes; not only the trusting, open, connected, loving look, but also the fierce determination in the exact moment as if we were one in the same sharing the same orgasm. That look, your eyes, are now forever burned into my memory.
Moment B
It was a morning drive to work like any other. I decided to listen to a country music spotify channel to pass the time when a particular song came on. No clue who the artist was or what the song was called, but there was a lyric somewhere in there about not wanting to change the sheets on his bed. I had only been half listening up to that point, but somewhere in the next 10 seconds, it occurred to me the song was about a man who had recently lost his wife/lover/etc. As I tend to do every once in a while, I began to do the mental "what if" game, applying whatever situation I encountered into my own life thinking about what it would be like if I lost you. Holy cow!!! My eyes began to sting in the corners, my chest felt heavy and breaths were short and choppy. I was crying, it hurt, I felt empty, I even wondered and tried to imagine how I would go on. My overwhelming reaction was the only thing that shocked me out of this horrible "what if" scenario. I knew after that, today I needed to write these things down before the raw emotions of both of these events somehow lost any intensity in my ability to convey them accurately.
It's always been love. Puppy love, growing love, trusting love, intimate love, visceral love, complete love.
