Desperate

Here I sit at work on a Friday, not really working.  I don't want to be here.  I want to stuff my face full of food, but I'm getting fat despite going to the gym 4 times per week and getting my heart rate up for 30 minutes.  Not sure what's up with that, but I'm pissed.

I'm still mad about my kitchen, that's still not done
My dad is finally moving out here at the end of October.

• One way flight out to Michigan purchased
• Clearing out his bedroom so it's ready
• Trying to fix the stairs in the garage in such a way so that we can both get our cars in the garage

My son's Birthday party is scheduled and I've been planning and organizing. 

• Gifts are purchased
• Eggless Cupcake mix/recipe in the pantry
• Bowling alley party reserved
• Invitations sent

Waiting for my wood guy to call me back and deliver the last cord of wood I paid for back in April
Lots of stuff to do in general around the house and I seem to generally tackle one thing every other weekend.  I'm going to need to step up the pace if I want to see real progress by winter.

I'm not very pleased with myself or what's going on in my life right now.  Driven to plan my life by goals I need to let go of, I find myself feeling more and more like a failure.  My dream of finding a mate to share my life with seems to be literally behind most of my decisions and actions, none of which have had positive outcomes.

I am desperate for real love.